Gay affect my kids?

Does my being gay affect my children? Yes, it does, and no it doesn’t. Let me explain.

Okay first maybe I should say a few things. I don’t care if you believe all gay people are from outer space and will rot in hell for eternity. If that is your belief then fine. I’m not trying to convert anyone. All I ask is that any opinions expressed will be done in a thoughtful and considerate way. Maybe I am wrong, maybe you are wrong, all that matters is how we treat each other in the exchange of ideas. So for example; I believe that gay people are fine with God, (which I do), and you believe that gay people are an abomination to God, (which you may). We are on opposite ends of the spectrum and that is fine. I won’t tell you that you are deceived by the Devil and going to rot in hell; Please don’t say that to me. And if at the end of the day we are at a complete impasse, then let’s agree to disagree.

Okay back to the subject at hand. Does my being gay affect my children? Of course it does. I am not naive enough to think that any aspect of my life won’t affect them. They are my kids, closer to me than anyone else and everything about me affects them in some way. I am 5′1″ and their father is almost 6 feet. What if one grows to be a lot taller than the other? That will affect them both. I have brown eyes and the oldest has brown eyes, the youngest have hazel/green eyes. We have already had the conversation as to why big brother had the same eyes as me and little brother doesn’t.

I am a Christian, does that affect my kids? You bet it does. They go to church and hear how very much God loves them and that Jesus loved the little children. I am a Democrat, well I have never in my life voted straight ticket on any election, I always pick who I think is best for the job, so maybe that doesn’t affect them. I am a product of growing up in the country and I know that they couldn’t be dropped off in the inner city and survive any quicker than an inner city kid could be dropped off out here and survive.

All this to say that I realize that every single aspect of my life and theirs affects them. So yes I know my being gay will affect them. The question is this, Will it affect them in a negative way? I can’t tell you how many months and years even, that I struggled with that very thought.

A wandering thought here, but I know some people think I woke up one day and decided that I was gay and therefore needed a divorce. That isn’t the way it happened at all. I knew I needed a divorce a full 16 months before I accepted the fact that I was gay. And even then I stayed another 2 years “for the sake of the children”. Then a very wise friend of mine asked me if the lesson I wanted to teach my kids was that this loveless co-existence was what marriage was. That floored me. Then I remember my friend in high school who ran away so her parents would divorce and could be happy. So I realized that divorce was an option that could best serve the boys.

So back to the question at hand, Will my being gay negatively affect my children? And the answer is….it might. And I know that. If we lived in gay Utopia off somewhere in La La land it might not. But I realize we live in RURAL America where bible thumpers and rednecks collide. Am I discreet? You bet your life. The community wouldn’t have any idea at all if the ex- father-in-law hadn’t spread a bunch of rumors about me. But he did and it is out there and the kids at some point may hear something from friends at school. And that thought distresses me. Not because of what people may say of me but what they may say to the kids. So yes, my being gay may have a negative impact on them.

But then again there are some very positive aspects to my being gay. My kids know beyond a shadow of a doubt that there is nothing they can be or do that will make me love them less. It doesn’t matter to me if neither, one, or both are gay, and they know that. Does that mean I wish them to be gay? Not at all. I want them to be happy and it doesn’t matter one ounce if they bring home Pam or Sam at the senior prom. I just want them to be happy.

Their father and I get along great now that we are divorced. Anytime he wants the kids, he can have them and vice versa. I like the woman he is dating and he likes the woman I am dating. My boys have 4 adults that would do anything to see that they are happy and well adjusted. My boys now have 3 mother figures to teach them patience and compassion. Most kids would be well served to learn those lessons.

My kids are free to be who they are and not try to fit into any molds. They can be who they are and know they have the love and support of their family. Yes, family is singular. My ex, his gf, me, my gf and the extended family are all one. They can be okay in their own skin. What a wonderful gift.