Lesbian = manhater?
June 4, 2008
The comment was made to me the other day that since I am out as a lesbian, I have joined the ranks of man-haters. I’m not sure I follow the logic in this statement. It would seem to me that the logic behind this is that since I am not attracted to men, then I must hate them.
I am not attracted to my mother but I am not a mother hater. I am not attracted to children but I am not a kid hater. I am not attracted to animals but I am not an animal hater. And I am not attracted to 90 year olds but I am not a grandparent hater. I am not attracted to my best friend, (who happens to be female) and yet in no way am I a friend hater. That logic doesn’t apply to any other situation, but since I am gay then I must hate men.
So does that mean all straight women hate other women? The straight girls aren’t attracted to other females so they must be girl haters. Straight men must be man haters too and all gay men must hate women. I think, or at least I hope, you can see the fallacy in this thinking.
So for the record, I don’t hate men. My ex husband is a very good friend of mine and we talk now more than ever. I like my brothers and male friends just as much as I like my sisters and my female friends. I like the male puppy just as much as I like my female German Shepherd. To be honest I love my Sydney since she has been my dog for years but the puppy is winning his way into my heart as well.
So maybe it is time to get rid of the, “If you are _______, then you are_______”, mindset. It doesn’t matter what group, label, or stereotype you fall under, you are a unique individual that has a lot more in common with people in the other groups and labels than you realize. Celebrate your differences and don’t overlook the similarities. We all laugh, love,live, breathe, cry, bleed, survive, and feel. And the best similarity of all? We all have value and worth in the sight of God. We are all beloved members of the family.
Entry Filed under: Friendship, God, homosexuality, stories. Tags: gay, God, stereotypes.
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1.
rhea | June 5, 2008 at 1:12 pm
If anyone has a reason to hate men, it’s straight women. They have to live with them!!!
2.
wvhillcountry | June 5, 2008 at 2:34 pm
LOL very true
3.
e2tc | June 5, 2008 at 3:57 pm
Resentment and fear are no respecters of gender, sexual orientation, age – or anything else, for that matter.
A couple of weeks ago I skimmed a chapter or two of D.H. Lawrence’s novel Lady Chatterley’s Lover, and saw that the “lover” (a gamekeeper named Mellors) used the word “lesbian” to refer to women he thought were too interested in having their own orgasms. Really.
And yet, that character was put forth as being somehow “progressive” at the time that the book was published.
Sigh. (Can’t help wondering how much of Lawrence’s admitted hangups about so-called lesbians – it’s in other works, not just this novel – had to do with his wife’s having been a bit of a go-getter, take charge type.)
I think I’m rambling now… time to end this before I go off on yet another tangent.
4.
wvhillcountry | June 5, 2008 at 6:40 pm
Ramble on. I enjoy reading your comments. I am not familiar with that author so I can’t comment on the points you made. But I agree that fear and resentments affect everyone irregardless of what group a person is in.
5.
e2tc | June 5, 2008 at 8:28 pm
D.H. Lawrence was English, and Lady Chatterley’s Lover became famous because it was supposedly obscene and was banned here in the States for many, many years.
so it was one of those things that a lot of kids just had to try and get their hands on when I was growing up, to see what it was all about. I never bothered, but someone who comments on shush’s blog wrote about it on their book blog and that made me decide to see if there was anything to the obscenity charge.
I’m not sure if it’s “dirty,” but it sure is full of odd (often bad) ideas about women!
6.
Wendy | June 6, 2008 at 4:33 pm
YES!!!!! Why haven’t I read more on this!!! I remember the first job I had after I left my former life as a hetero housewife and moved on to be a lesbian. When one woman I worked with found out, she said “oh, I understand, you hate men.” I was flabbergasted! I told her that was not the case.
What I really like here is your reasoning… “I am not attracted to my mother but I am not a mother hater. I am not attracted to children but I am not a kid hater. I am not attracted to animals but I am not an animal hater.” Perfect! Thanks for writing on this!
7.
Wendy | June 6, 2008 at 4:34 pm
PS— I am LMAO at the “icon” the auto icon generator just created for me!!!
8.
wvhillcountry | June 7, 2008 at 7:08 am
Wendy, Thanks for stopping in and Yes, I find it funny how many people automatically think I hate men. I like the icons better than blank faces too.
e2tc, thanks for the info.
9.
queerunity | June 7, 2008 at 11:00 am
people dont know much about lesbians and so they grab onto stereotypes, just live out who you are and you break the stereotypes
http://www.queersunited.blogspot.com
10.
wvhillcountry | June 7, 2008 at 12:33 pm
How very true. Thanks for stopping by
11.
8traq | February 20, 2009 at 7:57 pm
looving it!
12.
wvhillcountry | February 20, 2009 at 8:50 pm
8traq, thanks for stopping by.