I HATE BEES

October 1, 2008 at 9:26 pm Leave a comment

There I am doing it again. Using that “H” word that used to get me into so much trouble. But I do. I really do hate bees. Beyond that, I am bee phobic. I run and scream like a girl whenever there are bees around. Throw a snake or a spider and I would calmly put it outside, but have a bee in my house? I run for the bug spray. You know the kind I am talking about. The can that shoots up to 40 feet and totally drowns everything in its path.

I know where my fear comes from. We used to have honey bee hives and I was fascinated and loved to watch them fly in and out and dance their directions to each other. But one day it happened. I was out there watching them as usual and for some strange reason they decided I was a threat. Maybe the queen bee was PMSing and yelling at all the worker bees, or maybe it was just that time of the month (inventory time) and the workers didn’t want me watching over their shoulders. I should have retreated when I heard the little bugle call coming from the guard bees, but no I stayed. You’ve seen the cartoons where the swarm comes out and chases the person till they run into the lake? Well, I didn’t have a lake to run into. I was rather sore and swollen after they finished with me. The only good thing was the knowledge that the suckers who stung me were dead.

So that explains my fear, but it just isn’t honey bees, anything with a stinger terrifies me. And I know logically that the sting only hurts for a little while, but adrenaline outweighs my logic everytime. Logic tells me it is only one little bee in my house, adrenaline tells me to grab the can and wash the window with poisons. Logic tells me to slowly walk away from the bees and adrenaline says screw that, run for the hills.

Well my gripe today doesn’t involve a honey bee but a wasp. Last night I innocently grabbed hold of a bag of garbage that it must have been resting on and zap. Right in the thumb. Of course it hurt a little bit and then I went about my day. (getting stung is never as bad as the FEAR of getting stung. It doesn’t make sense, I can’t explain it.) So it thumps for a while and I look down and there is a nice welt forming. A few minutes later I notice I can’t bend my thumb. It has swollen to twice it’s normal size. You know those cute little lines on your thumb where it bends? I have really deep lines but the thumb, it no bend.

Of course it is on my right hand and I’m right handed, and I never truly appreciated the opposable thumb before today. The only good thing is that if my car breaks down I have a really big thumb to hitch hike with. Or maybe I could draw eyes and a mouth on it, it sort of reminds me of humpty dumpty, and then I would have my very own thumb puppet to keep me occupied. Maybe if it insists on growing, I could name it and claim it on next years taxes.

Did I mention that I hate bees?

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Entry filed under: Animals, stories, Uncategorized. Tags: , , , .

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