Gay Marriage

October 22, 2008 at 8:51 am 6 comments

With Nov. fast approaching, I can’t help but think of all of my friends that may be, no will be, greatly affected by the vote on prop 8 in California. There are countless lives out there that will either have their marriages upheld, or once again be told that they are second class citizens. Or once again be told that, ” Your life, your love, and your commitment isn’t the same as mine and therefore wrong.”

What is a “real” marriage? That is hard to say. Not because I don’t know the legal definition, but because marriages come in all shapes and sizes. Marriage has been a financial arrangement between two families. “Let’s talk, drink some wine, and in the end, I’ll give you my daughter, 100 head of cattle, and 200 head of sheep. In return, I want your loyalty to my tribe or family.” Marriage has also been ” mail order brides”, no that is not just a saying. There really was a time men could order a wife (unfortunately it stills happens today). Marriage has also been two people forced together by family because birth control wasn’t used or even rape had occurred.

Marriage has been an escape for young women to get out of abusive homes. Marriage has been a punishment for virginity lost. Marriage has been “child (and yes I mean child) brides” being forced to marry much older men. Yes this still happens around the world today and even here in the U.S. Don’t be so naive that you think that happened only in years gone by.

Marriages have been performed where there was no love. Marriage has been used to defend a man’s right to rape his wife. It may not be legal anymore, but just try being a wife and “proving” your husband raped you. Marriage has been used to give man dominion over woman. Marriage has been used to trap a wealthy husband. Marriage has been bastardized for generations. And this is all considered heterosexual marriage and therefore good and right in the sight of God.

It may sound like I am against marriage. I’m not. I think it is a beautiful covenant between two people and God. It is the public statement that this is the person that I love and I promise to work beside them and carry them and be carried by them. It is a promise of a future together and a pact of faith in each other and in God. It is a commitment that shouldn’t be entered into lightly. But how many spur of the moment marriages are performed in Vegas?

The funny thing is, I could meet a man tomorrow, decide that I am just tired of being alone, or poor, or just too scared to remain single and be “legally” married in a few days. And not a soul would question it. There would be no Bible thumpers standing outside the courtroom. No one would blink an eye. No one would be shouting that this “marriage” was against God’s law or Biblical teaching.

Of course it isn’t. Biblical marriages were contracts between families. Biblical marriages included multiple wives. Biblical marriages were set up, not for love, but political gain or social standing. People didn’t start to marry for love until the colonies. It just wasn’t done. A woman was lucky if she grew to love her husband and the husband was lucky if he was fond of his wife. Getting married just because you love someone goes against the normal Biblical marriage, and yet no one complains.

I know a lady was has been married 4 times, is in the process of getting divorced, and is working on #5. Where are the protesters? Where are the screaming crowds? The fact is, they don’t care. They don’t care because divorce affects them or their loved ones personally. Where are the Bible thumpers when a 17 year old girl is forced by her family to marry her boyfriend who got drunk one night and forced himself on her? Where are the Bible thumpers when a 12 or 13 year old girl is illegally brought into this country to become a plaything for a 40 year old man? They are busy screaming at homosexual adults for being so bold as to want a piece of the marriage pie.

Yes, I agree that marriage is in trouble. Many people everyday enter into it and make a mockery of what mainstream America believes is moral and right. Many heterosexual marriages fall way short of this mythical, ideal, state of union that is being held up as the “only” union. So my question is this, why aren’t they out there fighting as hard to fix heterosexual marriage as they are to prevent homosexual marriage?

The truth is, your marriage and your family is in no way dependant on mine. Your marriage isn’t being affected by your neighbor’s (unless he wants your wife because he is unhappy with his own). Your marriage is in no way strengthened or weakened by the marriage of the man who lives two blocks from you. If your marriage is so weak that it can be torn apart by what someone does behind closed doors, then I am so sorry for you. If your marriage is so weak that my orientation can destroy it, then I pity you. If your marriage is dependent on keeping me from marriage, then I will pray for your union. Maybe couples counseling would help. Or maybe paying as much attention to your own marriage and forgetting about mine would help to strengthen it.

If my getting legally married affects your morals and values…, then wow, that is just a really sad thought. Does the fact that your neighbor beats his wife affect your values? Does the fact that the cashier at the local store helps herself to a little out of the tin everyday affect your values? Your values are yours. My values are mine. You don’t have an effect on mine so why should I have an effect on yours? But if your value system is so weak that I can tear it down, then maybe you should spend the time you are using to protest and taking away my civil rights to work on yourself and your value system.

I have an idea, I hope you like it. If you believe that government should dictate who can and who can’t get married, then let us allow everyone that same right. By this I mean, if you feel that the government should be able to tell me who I can marry, then you deserve that same right. The government should be able to tell YOU who you can and can not marry. I think the same rules should apply to you as to me. So what should the guidelines to marriage be?

People should marry only people of their same social-economic class. The differences between classes would only weaken the union. There should be a limit on age differences, too many years and it just won’t work. Of course in keeping marriage pure, different races and religions shouldn’t be allowed to marry. I think that if you screw up your first marriage then you shouldn’t get another try. Or maybe two strikes and you are out of the wedding scene forever? How about you can only marry someone within a certain distance, because you know, kids need to know their grandparents. Or how about if you have children you HAVE to stay married until the youngest is 18, it doesn’t matter what the circumstances are. Or you can’t marry someone because there is mental illness in her family? Wow, this could be fun figuring out who has the right to marriage and who doesn’t. I know this is an unrealistic example, but I still think if the government has the right to choose who I enter into that legal contract with, it should be for everyone living in this country.

Yes there are a lot of problems in our country, both with marriages and families. If everyone would spend as much time and energy on searching for solutions as they do creating problems, then we wouldn’t be in this mess. But it boils down to personal choices. I may not agree with yours and you may not agree with mine, but because we are free citizens, we have the right to make our own choices. And that includes who I decide to marry.


Entry filed under: family, God, homosexuality. Tags: , , , , , .

Coming out Happy Halloween

6 Comments Add your own

  • 1. johnbisceglia  |  October 23, 2008 at 12:49 pm

    Here’s what more and more Gay Americans are doing; withholding all federal tax until our FAMILIES and CHILDREN have Marriage Equality.

    Our society and its laws treat us as SUB-Americans. Yet they expect us to pay taxes.

    I seriously doubt we will EVER have equality in other areas of life (military, adoption, hate crimes) until the US government starts to treat our families and children AS WORTHY AS other families. How do we expect to enlist in the military openly, adopt children without discrimination, or walk safely out and about in the world if our HOMES, our FAMILIES, are viewed as SUB-human in the eyes of the law?! What is more important than FAMILY?

    Is SUB-American OK as a tax-payer? R-e-a-l-l-y?

  • 2. bridgeout  |  October 23, 2008 at 1:01 pm

    WOW! Excellent post! Well thought out and presented. Thank you for taking time to articulate all of these important truths!

  • 3. Eliz Anderson  |  October 23, 2008 at 4:36 pm

    Bravo Girl!
    North of the 49th this IS how marriage is viewed. Keep it up. It was a hard long process here but continuous pressure to ensure all Canadians have equal rights and freedoms got us there. As long as inequality exists we must stand up for justice for all. It is the ideal that all democracies were built on and must strive to achieve.

  • 4. wvhillcountry  |  October 24, 2008 at 3:13 pm

    John, Thanks for stopping by. I went and read your blog, interesting stuff.

    bridgeout, thank you very much!

    Eliz, THank you and I can’t wait for the day that we here in the lower 49 view marriage in that same way.

  • 5. kylie  |  January 19, 2009 at 10:08 am

    Just surfing the net and stumbled into your site. First up; I’m so happy for you that you have a supportive church and community that you can belong to, as a christian lesbian woman. And secondly, this is a FANTASTIC blog! I’m a New Zealander living in Australia, both countries have had long ongoing debates on the legalisation of same sex marriages, and I have to say, I dont believe I’ve heard anything like the arguments you put forth here. I’ve long thought it… just bizarre, that governments have any say on individuals private love lives, and as you clearly point out – no-one is doing any fighting to ensure heterosexual marriages are up to scratch! Awesome blog, excellent points and very well written. I reckon you’ve thought about this topic before…;)

  • 6. wvhillcountry  |  January 20, 2009 at 1:39 am

    Kylie, Welcome and it is good to see a new face. Please come back again it is always good to see a friendly face.


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