About me
I am so ordinary it isn’t funny. But I guess I need to tell you a few things about myself…where to start? Well I am in my 30’s I am recently divorced and I have two wonderful children. I am a christian and I am a lesbian.
Okay I realize that may sound strange, but, I am finally being who God made me to be. I also drink, smoke , and swear. Not on a regular basis but enough. Okay I have to admit I smoke on a very regular basis but I am trying to quit.
I live in RURAL America and by my user name I bet you can figure out which state, no I don’t live in western Virginia. It is it’s own state. I don’t have any answers, mainly questions, but bare with me and I will learn from you and maybe you can learn from me.
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A wonderful Journey 
1.
Big Mama | April 16, 2008 at 6:08 pm
The blog tells a lot about who you are and where you’ve been. I hope it brings some helpful comments from the readers. Best of luck. Leet me know how I can make spring happen with you
Big Mama.. (Not as in Throw Momma from the train, I hope)
2.
Jones | May 5, 2008 at 11:02 pm
Hi there, saw your link to your blog on Sister-Friends. Nice blog. Look forward to reading more of it.
3.
wvhillcountry | May 6, 2008 at 7:37 am
Jones, thanks for stopping in.
4.
wep601 | May 14, 2008 at 12:48 pm
Smiling… I don’t remember how I found your blog. But it is no accident! Thanks for sharing a little about you! Loved the part about believing in God, but “I also drink smoke and swear.” It is good to just be who we are in real in our own skin, huh?
Take care!
Wendy
5.
Cristi | May 17, 2008 at 9:21 pm
I’m glad I found your blog as well. I followed a link Anita posted on Sister-Friends as well. I’m looking forward to reading more of your thoughts.
Grace and Peace
Cristi
6.
wvhillcountry | May 18, 2008 at 10:58 pm
I am honored you guys dropped in and for your nice comments. Thanks
7.
M54 | May 19, 2008 at 8:09 pm
I am a bit confused by your statement about being a Christian. I’m not talking about you saying you are lesbian either. To you what is a Christian?
What breaks my heart most… “two wonderful children”.
8.
wvhillcountry | May 19, 2008 at 9:39 pm
M54, To me a Christian is anyone who tries to live their life according to the way in which Jesus lived his. A Christian is anyone who believes he is the son of God and who will shout it out with their very last breath. A Christian is someone who glories in their God and has a personal relationship with the creator.
I do question why your heart breaks over “two wonderful children”? Can you explain further? Or do you think that I am gay therefore my kids are lead astray? I am concerned and confused. My kids know all about God, they go to church, and they are reminded daily of his love for them.
They are also taught to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God loves them and will always be there for them. And they know that I will love them no matter what happens or what mere mortals say.
My boys are well adjusted little persons that already understand at 10 and 7 that family are those people God leads us to, not limited by who they are born to. They know no matter what, they belong to God. So why do they break your heart?
9.
M54 | May 20, 2008 at 8:39 am
“They know no matter what, they belong to God. So why do they break your heart?”
Because the children don’t get to choose the path they have to go down. It is the “adults” who decide what they (the adults) want on many levels and the children are taken along. Some times (literally) kicking and screaming. Who gets them on Christmas? Who gets them on Thanksgiving? How many weeks during the summer? And on, and on, and on. What a lifestyle for a child! And for what? Because the adults who decided to bring them into this world are basically…. (dare I say it) selfish. They want what they want and for whatever reason have to have it.
Ironically this is the time of year that some children will be getting on airplanes (unacompanied) to fly to a destination where the non-custodial parent lives. This is the summer that some child will be sexually abused (for the first time). This is the time of year some little girl will be looking to some older boy for comfort because her daddy left her.
I think divorce is the most selfish thing any adult can do. You cheated, I found my true self, whatever! Once children are involved adults should just “suck it up” an if it takes the next twenty years, so be it! Put on the proverbial happy face and with the help of the God you profess to love walk through it.
“A Christian is anyone who believes he is the son of God and who will shout it out with their very last breath. ”
Be careful here. Satan and all of his minions believe the same too.
“They know no matter what, they belong to God. ”
I don’t think you meant this the way it is written.
Wouldn’t it be wonderful if life were as simple as you make it out to be?
Finally, I think God gets to much credit and too much blame. It is often we mortals who have earned the place we find ourselves in.
10.
Stephanie | May 20, 2008 at 1:44 pm
Wow M54-That was a bit harsh.
Hill has shared only a small part of her life with us. You come on to her blog, and without even knowing her or the details of her life, draw conclusions based on what she says in only a few paragraphs.
I can’t even begin to phathom what the motive in your heart was to say some of the things you have said, mainly in the way you have said them.
I mean really, I understand where you have your opinions and beliefs, I have read them over at Lindsey’s place, but you usually have gentleness when you write over there, why not the same gentleness here?
11.
M54 | May 20, 2008 at 2:09 pm
Don’t everybody get all definsive. I am strictly looking at life through the eyes of a small child.
If you can’t agree that divorce has devistating affects on children then something is wrong.
For me it’s all about the children. Period.
They are COMPLETELY DEFENSELESS, AFFECTED THE MOST AND HAVE THE LEAST SAY!
Like I said before, I believe that regardless of what happens or who does what to who the adults in ANY relationship have given up their personal rights for the happiness of their children.
If a mommy or daddy has anger, filandering, identity, or what ever issues then that mommy or daddy should look at their child and perposly determine what course of action to take to make that child’s life as happy as possible. And NO that doesn’t mean that child will be happy if mommy or daddy is happy by leaving their spouse. That means that mommy or daddy need to SACRIFICE THEMSELVES for that child.
If all adults did that, imagine what our society would look like in one life time.
I did not mean to be corse, rude or inflamitory but children are realy a passion for me.
I reread my post regarding the Christianity remarks and maybe I am suffering from the “splinter/plank” theology but I don’t see where I was over the line or condeming. As a matter of fact I (intentionally) tried to be gentle.
12.
Stephanie | May 20, 2008 at 3:14 pm
M54-
Just pointing out that I thought you were being a little harsher than you normally are.
I too have a pasion for kids. I completeley agree to sacrificing yourself for the kids, I don’t think we have enough of that in this world. I think there are many folks in this world who forget about the kids and the effects that their actions have on them.
I really do believe that’s not the case with EVERYONE though.
I belive everyone’s situation is different and these situations and perhaps it not always a black and white situation.
What I’m saying is maybe we need to listen to people, their stories and situations before we conclude with……
” I think divorce is the most selfish thing any adult can do. You cheated, I found my true self, whatever! Once children are involved adults should just “suck it up” an if it takes the next twenty years, so be it! Put on the proverbial happy face and with the help of the God you profess to love walk through it.”
“If a mommy or daddy has anger, filandering, identity, or what ever issues then that mommy or daddy should look at their child and perposly determine what course of action to take to make that child’s life as happy as possible. And NO that doesn’t mean that child will be happy if mommy or daddy is happy by leaving their spouse. That means that mommy or daddy need to SACRIFICE THEMSELVES for that child.”
Again, I believe each case if different. My parents did the above and because of their serious lack of love for one another (they tried!), we children felt the effects of this.
13.
M54 | May 20, 2008 at 4:09 pm
Well, I’ve been around long enough to know that if more than one person “observes” somethingh (especially in me) then there may be a modicam of truth in it. Forgive my harshness. I have not (yet) been able to convey my passionate feelings without being somewhat “jerkish”.
Certainly, I understand that there are as many situations as there are people. But…..
I think one of the biggest problems is that people get married to quickly and start having children before they figure out who they are as a couple.
Step God: What does He want for you?
Step one. Learn who you are.
Step two. Learn who your perspective spouse may be.
Step three. Learn about the other person. Don’t rush, take your time.
Women, put as much energy into your marriage as you do your wedding day!
Guys, she IS the most important thing in your life. Remember that and it shouldn’t change just because….whatever!
Stephanie: thank you for your response. And I do understand that there are many situations. However, to a 2, 3, 4, 5 year old that doesn’t realy matter.
14.
wvhillcountry | May 20, 2008 at 4:19 pm
M54, I can not argue against the situations you decsribed above, they are NOT my life nor is it the life of my children. And I fail to see the connection that divorce will cause a child to be sexually abused for the first time this summer.
My parents were married until I was grown andmarried and out of the house. I was still sexually abused long term. My parents being married did not prevent that life experience for me.
I had a friend in high school whose parents “stayed together for the children” and she was miserable. She would say all the time she wished they would divorced so SHE could be happy. And no, there wasn’t any abuse at home or screaming or yelling, but she was smart enough to see throught their facade and know they were miserable. She fixed the problem for them.
She ran away from home since SHE was the reason they stayed together. She returned to school two months later and in confidence told me that she starved out on the streets, she was repeatedly raped, and was now pregnant with a rapist’s baby. So her parents “sucking it up and putting a smile on their faces” was not in HER best interest.
I know most people assume that when there is a divorce there are hard feelings and children being passed off in parking lots of the local mall, that is not the reality of my life or the lives of my kids.
I will tell you how this weekend played out. My ex and I sat in church together, he came here afterwards and ate lunch with us, I showed him the letters sent to me by his girlfriend who was away on a mission trip, we sat and talked for a couple of hours, he took the boys to his house which is less than 2 miles from mine, and later that night I called to tell them goodnight and the ex and I talked for 1/2 an hour.
The next day my mother had a heart cath and he was there, waiting with me and the pastor and mom’s friends. He stayed and talked to her afterwards, he hugged her good bye, I walked him to the door of the hospital and we hugged goodbye. THis IS a typical weekend for us.
As for holidays, this Thanksgiving I fully expect to have supper with my siblings, my mom, my ex, his girlfriend, and my girlfriend. This Christmas he and his father and my mother will gather here and watch the kids open their presents and share lunch afterward. Just like we have done for the last 8 years.
My oldest came home from school one day very upset. He told me one of his friends told him all kids want their parents back together and I told him it was okay if he wanted that and to talk to me about it. He started crying and said, “But mom, I don’t want you two back together. I see dad so much more now and you are both happy.” He felt guilty because he was happy the way things were and his friend told him he shouldn’t be happy.
So while your arguements are true for some, they are not true of my situation. My kids ARE better off having divorced parents that are friends than having married parents that grow to hate each other. You don’t give kids enough credit, they DO know when their parents are miserable and as my friend showed me, together isn’t always better for the kids.
15.
M54 | May 20, 2008 at 4:46 pm
Best of luck.
16.
Stephanie | May 20, 2008 at 9:19 pm
Hill- I’m not sure what thread jacks are, did I just do that? If I did or if I was out of line in anyway on your blog, please let me know.
M54-Thank you for your response. I do hear your passion.
17.
wvhillcountry | May 21, 2008 at 7:53 am
Stephanie, In no way were you out of line. I appreciate your comments and I enjoy reading what you post. Come back anytime and I’ll put on the coffee pot.
18.
Stephanie | May 21, 2008 at 12:14 pm
Ok, great!
19.
rogueminister | June 8, 2008 at 10:06 am
Have you read any books by Anne Lamott? Just curious, I think you might enjoy her writing a lot.
20.
wvhillcountry | June 8, 2008 at 12:55 pm
I have never read anything by her, thanks for stopping by.
21.
flayed Hypatia | June 15, 2008 at 12:39 pm
Hill, is it okay if I jump into the discussion on divorce? (she asked, right before doing so, anyway)
My best friend is currently undergoing a divorce. She’s 41, and they have a 18-month-old son. She has agonized over the affect of divorce on her son, looking back to the memory that haunts her from her own childhood—that of her father’s car’s taillights as he drove away, out of her life.
However, the relationship and communication between R (my friend) and K (her husband) is toxic beyond remedy. He belittles, shoves, and mocks her daily. He verbally abuses her. And he is modelling such treatment of a woman to his baby boy. Meantime, R is seeking counselling, and taking blame for her toxicity in the relationship, trying to make it work. But K will have none of it. He gives nothing, takes everything, to the point of his blowing his wad on fancy gadgets while his own son goes without diapers.
Now. R hates the notion of divorce. But she’s divorcing K (who has come to the place of saying daily, “you make me sick! I can’t even look at you without wanting to throw up!”).
Is it a worse thing for their son that he live in a single-parent home, with the parent who has a steady, well-paying job, the income of which will now go towards his upkeep and savings, rather than being blown by whims and drunken binges? Is it a worse thing for their son, less safe for him, to be raised in a home where boundaries are taught, education is valued, and God is loved, than to be raised in a home where women are denigrated, education receives mixed messages, and God is grieved? Is it a worse thing for this little boy to grow up in a home with only one parent who does all she can to prepare him for a complex world than for him to grow up in a home where one parent abuses the other and he is shown that it’s okay for men to be mean and selfish, but women must be doormats and the primary breadwinners?
I think not. Divorce is regrettable. But quite often, it is the choice of a lesser evil, to undergo a traumatic breakup instead of remain in a toxic environment, a choce directed at a goal of living more fully in the freedom, peace, and love of God.
Thanks, Hill, for letting me rant a bit. And I look forward to reading your blog, now I know it’s around!
22.
wvhillcountry | June 15, 2008 at 1:00 pm
flayed Hypatia, In no way would I ever suggest a woman stay in that type of environment. For obviously the harm done to her and to her son would be indescribable. The son is at serious risk for abuse also. It is her duty to try to protect her son from a dangerous situation. She is acting in the best interest of her child.
I myself was not in that type of situation but my kids are better off with a mom and dad who are friends than miserable trying to live together. And some of the posts here speak with great passion about how kids can be hurt by divorce, and to be honest, a lot of times they are. I respect the passion stated to keep the kids best interests at heart and I respect the love for children in those posts. But I can not say that all divorce is bad.
Your friend’s case is a great example of divorce being in the best interest of the child. No child should ever have to watch one parent emotionally, spiritually, or physically abuse the other parent. That leaves terrible scars on the child and the children at also at risk because an abuser is a bully. And a bully usually bullies everyone around them.
So I agree with you, sometimes divorce is in the best interests of the child. Thanks for your comment and I will be praying for your friend as she goes through this difficult time.
23.
snaketat | June 16, 2008 at 1:04 am
Thanks for a nice well written blog. I have added you to the blogroll on my blog, NCGAYACTIVIST. Your comments cover many of the issues that face mid-life gays and lesbians. I appreciate your sharing.
24.
Eliz Anderson | July 7, 2008 at 1:08 am
Hill I just wanted to say I totally relate to kids sometimes ARE way better off when parents figure out they can not continue a bad relationship. My ex and I get along and actually talk more now than we did when we were together. We worked out our own shared custody arrangement. The kids choose where they wished to live primarily. They are 14 &10 and we felt they knew better than we did where they felt they needed to live. They stayed in the same schools. There are many types of family breakups, some good and some terrible. I’m glad you had a couple of girls here that cared enough to say something. Divorce like homosexuality seems to be a hot button for some people. My parents would have been far better off apart but didn’t believe in divorce so I had to survive their marriage. I didn’t believe I could leave as a Christian. Thankfully God moved him to chose to leave. Even though it wasn’t in his financial interest to do so. I wish people wouldn’t play God and get all dramatic about worst case scenarios. But I better shut out. maybe this lady has been hurt as a child in a bitter divorce, so I can’t judge her either.
Great site by the way!
25.
wvhillcountry | July 7, 2008 at 1:46 am
Eliz, I am honored to have you here. I have read many of your posts at sisterfriends and I respect your thoughts and values. Yes, my kids are way better off now having two parents that love them and spend time with them. Divorce can be a good thing. Thanks for coming by here and for your wonderful comments.
26.
lisa | July 22, 2008 at 2:14 am
Hi, I have been reading your blog for a month I guess. i have been touched by your entries and by the thoughts you share. I am writing beause I am wondering if there is any way i could email you. I am at the end of a 2 year divorce, I am a lesbian, had to come away from my religion, too much condemnation. I have a special person in my life, have had her since before the divorce. have 4 kids, 2 live with me, 2 live with their dad. their dad is very homophobic . anyways, I just wanted your advice or suggestion on some things. i thought you would understand and maybe be able to help me to be able to understand and give alittle comfort to a woman who misses her older boys terribly. thank you
27.
wvhillcountry | July 22, 2008 at 11:09 am
Lisa, Welcome aboard. I sent you my email, please let me know if you don’t get it and I will try again.
28. primary custodial parent | October 30, 2008 at 12:20 pm
primary custodial parent…
Didn’t realise there was this type of information out there…