Posts filed under ‘Friendship’

Mix together and chill

Things have been a bit up in the air around here lately. Two people that I care deeply about are facing some serious health issues and my head and heart are in a constant battle. My head tells me that they will be fine but my heart is reserving its right to worry till it knows for sure. So some moments I am very optimistic and other moments I am chewing my nails down to nubbins. I get frustrated when life doesn’t follow my plans in the timely manner that I want. But I learned a great lesson while cooking with my son the other day.

I was mixing and measuring and he was reading the recipe to me as we went along. He got to the end and said, “Mix together and relax.” Well since I have never run across that particular instruction while cooking before, I looked over his shoulder and read, “Mix together and chill.” Of course I had a good laugh at that. But he got me thinking. Life is like a recipe in some ways. We have directions given to us by our Heavenly father and our earthly parents. We get instructions from school, work, and even when we play. We decide where we want to go in life and follow the directions to get there.

And life is full of ingredients. My family, my friends, my worries, my fears, my faith, my sisterfriends who are my prayer warriors, my God, my Love, and heck, even my enemies. But as much as it irritates me at times…I am not the chef. Yes, my life is full of ingredients but that does not make me the chef, because I am an ingredient in other lives too. I could never make so many sweet dishes without messing it up and thank God I don’t have. God is the great chef, he weaves all of the ingredients together and in the process makes a beautiful banquet for all of his children. I just have to remind myself that it is God who is doing the mixing together. All I need to do is chill.

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January 17, 2009 at 6:25 pm 2 comments

The Gift

I have lived a blessed life.  I know it and I am grateful.  That is not to say that my life has been easy, but whenever the hard times hit, I am surrounded by wonderful people and God.  And what has continued to amaze me time and time again, is that the things I think are curses, actually end up being my greatest blessings.

I was sexually abused from 7 years old.  I am the first to admit that that part of my past has left me with some scars…..but it has also left me with some blessings.  From my experience, I was able to understand and connect with other people who faced and dealt with or were trying to deal with the same issue.  I volunteered at a local assault hot line and I found that in my being able to say, “Yes, I was once where you are at and I not only survived but thrived,” gave hope to the people I was talking to.  My experience gave me empathy and caring, it made me more aware of those around me who may be suffering.  Maybe not from the same exact life experiences, but suffering all the same.  I learned compassion for those who act out because just maybe they were hurting like I was.  I would never wish that particular experience on anyone and I am not jumping up and down with glee that I experienced it, but I am grateful for what I learned from it.  I will never be able to say that I am glad it happened, but I am thankful for what I learned from it.

I was the odd man out in school, especially high school.  I was different from the “norm” and I paid for it.  I had girls threatening to beat me up and making fun of me.  I hated it at the time, but from it I learned that people are not always what they appear on the outside.  That punk looking girl sneaking smokes in the restroom between classes was actually a lot more like me than I wanted to admit.  That boy who smoked pot every morning was hurting just the same as I was.  It just came out in different ways.  But through those experiences, I learned that I had absolutely no right to judge how someone else lived their life.  I had no right to make judgments on someone without living their life.

As hard as High School was for me, I also learned how to love.  No I never told her I was in love with her, and to this day she doesn’t know, but I learned the bitter sweet feelings of love.  No I am not talking about lust.  I was so far in the closet at that time that I couldn’t even begin to imagine being gay, no I am talking about loving someone.  Loving her for who she was and knowing she had my back.  We could talk on the phone for hours and not run out of things to say.  I could and did tell her everything.  The pain from that first heartbreak was horrid, but the lesson learned was how to love.  A wonderful lesson to learn.

That gets me to thinking about being gay.  For most of my life I hated it, denied it, ran from it, and pleaded to be made straight.  I wanted to die, planned how to die, and was rather distraught at the whole idea of being gay.  And even today, I still have times where I question my beliefs and my place in this world.  But even in the dark times, I can’t help but believe that my being gay is a gift from God.

How many people have you met that believe exactly what they were told to believe?  How many people have you met that rely on a book and not God for their understanding?  How many people hate people they have never met because they happened to fall in love with someone of the same gender?

In writing this blog and through other avenues, I have been blasted many times just for the fact that I am gay.  I have heard horrendous things said in the name of God that I know he would frown upon.  Even if God really does hate fags like the signs carried say, he would not want that hate to be spewed out upon his children.  I actually have been told that I am not blessed, but that I am cursed.  Cursed to live a life of celibacy or rot in hell.  Now my intention is not to get into a biblical argument, yes I know Leviticus and Romans et all,  my goal is to try to explain why I think being gay is a gift and not a curse.

1.  I never had the comfort of just buying into everything I was told about God and Church.  I had to, yes I was forced, to go to God on a personal level.  I had to ask what he thought about me.  Not what I was taught from childhood on, but what he wanted for me in my life.  If I hadn’t been gay, then I would never have been forced to find my own belief system.  I could have swallowed and regurgitated everything that I was told.  I never would have had to dig deep.  And I mean deep into my own self and my beliefs and my relationship with God.  I never would have stood before God and begged him to take my life before I disgraced him.  I never would have heard God say, very loudly and clearly I might add, that I had no right to hate what he lovingly created.  If I were born straight, then I would never have had the turmoil that I faced, but then again, I wouldn’t have had this personal one on one relationship with my creator.  I never would have had to move beyond the expected to the unexpected.

2.  I never had the pleasure of just being “normal”  I had to learn how to be myself and accept myself and in that process I have learned so much.  I am gifted by the fact that I had to look at every aspect of my life.  I got to know myself intimately and on a level I would have never reached if I weren’t gay.  Yes I know, straight people do the soul searching thing too, but I was forced to.  And what I learned is a blessing beyond belief.  I learned that I am who God created me to be, I learned that God doesn’t fit into a little box that humans continuously try to put him in, and I learned that God likes it when we question.  It opens up real dialogue.  Not memorized verses or chants, but honest conversation.

3.  In accepting who I am, I am much more open to accepting others as they are.  Take my two sons for example.  The oldest is very smart in common sense and fixing things.  He is great with his hands, but he has trouble with “book learning”  He is very smart but he will never be a straight A student.  He won’t.  But I celebrate his C’s as much as an A.  Because he works his tail off and he earns every grade he gets.  I never had to work in school.  I was in the gifted program and I never had trouble until I hit high school.  We are completely different.  But I can accept him for who he is.  He doesn’t have to be a carbon copy of me.  He is who he is and that is a wonderful person with a quick wit and more common sense than I have.

My youngest is so brilliant that he is social poor.  Do you know what I mean?  He sees the world in a completely different way.  It wouldn’t surprise me if he discovers great things one day because he is willing to look at things differently than anyone else.  He was born with a great sense of self.  He doesn’t care what people think.  In his mind, he is right with the world and if they don’t agree, then the heck with them.  But in seeing my boys and how very different they are, I have to accept them.  Because I have finally accepted myself, I am able to accept them.  They both know that I love them no matter what and I know I am more accepting because I accept myself.

4.  In admitting to being gay, I have met some wonderful people who challenge me on a daily basis.  They ask the questions and state their beliefs that force me to revisit my own.  I have met some wonderful people whom I may never meet face to face, but I know in 40 years we will be in different nursing homes emailing each other because we truly love one another.  I like all of my internet friends, but I do love some of them.  And it is a real love born out of the commonality we share but I also love my straight friends.  It isn’t about being gay or straight, it is about caring, and worrying, and loving friends.  In being gay and searching my soul, I learned about agape love.  I learned about the love of friends, and I learned about what true friendship is.  Today I spent hours with a very straight friend of mine.  We worked on putting up trim and such things but what we really worked on was supporting each other.  I know she has my back and I have her’s.  Do I love her?  Yes.  Very much but I love her as my friend, nothing more.  Yes gay women can be friends with other women.  J and I are a good example of that.

5.  I have been dropped into the fire and I came out whole.  I am who God created me to be.  He didn’t create me to burn in hell.  Can I still go there?  Sure but my chances are the same as my straight friends.  If I go to hell it will not be because I am gay.  It will be because I once turned away from a homeless person in need.  Or I failed to be there for a friend.  Or I acted in hate and not love.  My being gay?  It won’t get me to hell.  My being human might.

6.  One time when I was in grade school, a teacher of mine recognized that I was different and she took me under her wing.  I can remember the day she told me that if God wanted everyone  to be alike, then all flowers would be blue.  She told me that God loved me and she was and is so instrumental in my life.  She is about 70 ish??? Maybe closer to 80’s but we have remained good friends.  One night I felt the need to come out to her.  I don’t know why,  but I did.  And her reaction stunned me,  a member of her family had just came out and she didn’t know how to react.  In talking she came to an understanding and her family member was accepted for being who he is.  And that gives me hope.  Because if this grandmother of, I don’t know, at least 10 can come to terms and deal with a gay family member than so can the rest of the world.

7.  I am going to stop at lucky 7, but I can think of a thousand reasons to be grateful that I am gay.  But #7  is I am grateful that I am gay.  It doesn’t matter if it is nature or nurture, hormones in the womb, a choice or destiny.  What matters is how I live my life.  I am very happy to be in a wonderful monogamous relationship with the woman whom I love more than life itself.  Yes we have issues, What couple doesn’t?  But she fills my days with laughter, my nights with passion, my soul with love.  I have learned to love without prejudice.  Without ulterior motives.  I have learned to love wholly and deeply.  I have learned how to live.

Being gay isn’t a curse or a punishment.  Being gay is a gift, just like being straight is a gift.  But it is a gift that we must accept to live fully and freely.

January 8, 2009 at 1:00 pm 2 comments

Winter

This time of year is always hard on me.  The leaves have fallen off the trees, the air is getting that winter bite, and the days are growing shorter.  The work outside is done or at least put on hold till next Spring.  The lawn mower has been cleaned and put away and all the animals are finishing their winter coats.

The shorter days lend themselves to lower moods.  The cold wind lends itself to thoughts of ice and snow and dangerous driving off the side of my hill to get to town or anywhere else I may need to go.  But the worst part of all, is losing the days of working outside in the warm sun.  Of course winter lends itself to plenty of back breaking snow removal, but it isn’t the same as working in the warm sunlight.

Every other season has it’s benefits.  Spring brings about the promise of new growth and rebirth.  Summer days are filled with enjoyable work and plenty of play.  Fall brings the harvest and beautiful colors of the leaves and those clear blue skies.  But what is Winter’s claim to fame?  When I was a kid it meant snow days and sleeping in for two hour delays.  Snow meant snowmen and sled riding and hot chocolate.  But now it means my fingers hurt every time they get cold, I am shoveling the snow, not playing in it, and I am the one wiping up puddles of dripping snow off the kitchen floor while heating up hot chocolate.

Not that I am complaining, I am glad my boys find the same fun in Winter that I used to.  I hope they can look for the fun for a long time to come.  And I don’t even mind the puddles or the endless cups of hot chocolate, it’s just harder now than it used to be.  It is harder to stay interested in the other areas of life.  I know the lower lighting affects my mood and the colder temps make my bones ache after 10 minutes outside.  I find myself wanting to stay curled up in bed longer and less likely to start new projects.

But this time of year also has some redeeming qualities.  My favorite holiday is fast approaching and I mean Thanksgiving.  What other holiday was formed strictly for feeling thankful and for naming all of your blessings?  Thanksgiving is the time to gather with family, tell the old stories once again, and eat until the buttons threaten to pop.  Thanksgiving is the time to slow down and look at all the faces around your table and be grateful that each of them are there.  It is a time of seeing the blessings of the last year and even mourning the faces that are absent for the first time this year.

But for me, Thanksgiving is also a time to reflect on the last year and note the growth of myself in more ways than one.  Yes it is true that my jeans size has grown over the years, but so has my compassion and understanding.  My self worth has grown and my ability to love others as myself.  My circle of friends have grown, even though I may never meet some of them face to face.  My children have grown and matured.  My family has grown with the addition of my ex’s new girlfriend (who is a welcome addition).  And I have grown in my understanding of what it means to be truly thankful.

It is easy to be thankful when you are on the mountain top looking around and seeing all the beauty that surrounds you.  It is hard to be thankful when you are in the dark dank valley looking up at the cliffs that surround you.  It is hard to be thankful when you are enveloped by the stale stagnant air and there is no end to the valley in sight.  But I think that is the lesson I am to learn this Fall and Winter.  I am to be thankful on the mountain top but also in the valley.

That doesn’t mean that this season will be any easier on me, just that I need to find thankfulness no matter where I am at.  It will still be a chore to get my lazy butt out of bed, but I need to be thankful that my feet hit the floor and I move on.  It will still be a chore to shovel the snow and freeze my fingers, but I must be thankful that I am able to do it.  It will still be an irritation to wipe up melting snow for the 10th time in one morning, but I will be grateful and thankful that I have my children to track it in.

So while I see the valley looming before me, I also am taking with me supplies, the thoughts and prayers of friends, my family, my health, my children, and my willingness to try to be thankful in all things.  Notice I said to try, I know there will be days that I fail, and days where God will just shake his head and say, “can’t you see all I have done for you?”  But I pray everyday that God will open my eyes to all of the blessings that surround me and I pray that I will remember to say, “Thank you.”

Because isn’t that what Thanksgiving is about?

November 10, 2008 at 3:30 pm 4 comments

Coming out

Coming out. Such innocent little words until you are faced with doing it. Of course I mean coming out of the closet. How did that tiny little boxy area filled with clothing come to represent being gay? I find it fascinating the way we think about and describe things in our lives. But I do have to admit, it is very accurate.

Think of the average closet. It is pretty small in there and stuffed full of things. It is dark when the door is shut and the air can be stale if not enough ventilation is present. It reminds me of a time my brother and I were playing hide and go seek as kids. I ran and hid in my bedroom closet. It was so dark and cramped in there. I wasn’t comfortable at all. I was really wanting to find a new place to hide but I could hear him out there already looking for me. I was scared and I was alone.

The funny thing is, the longer I stayed hidden, the more comfortable I became. My eyes adjusted to the darkness and it wasn’t so scary. It was tight and there was little room to move, but I was surrounded and somewhat protected by my things. In fact, it started to feel safe. It was like the world (or my brother) couldn’t find me. Sure my feet went to sleep after a while and I was starting to get tired, but it was comfortable all the same.

Then he opens the door and finds me. It hurt my eyes and I had to blink a few times because they were watering from the sudden intensity of light that flowed into my dark little haven. I had to slowly untangle myself from all the junk on the floor. I had to adjust to the sudden feeling of being found and therefore vulnerable to losing the game.

And that is exactly how my journey has been. I remember the day I had the thought, and I quote, “Damn, I’m gay.” I ran and jumped into that closet so fast and it was a terrifying place to be. It was dark, I was lost and alone, and I was terrified. It was so very cramped in there being surrounded by years of being “churched”, family beliefs, community beliefs, and my own fears and concerns. No one needed to know I was gay and I could keep all of my things with me.

And it started to become comfortable, hiding away pretending to be what everyone else wanted. Of course I had to deny basic truths about myself and staying in that dark place, I quit growing. I became stagnant and stale. I was trying to keep who I was so tightly hidden that it pinched and it hurt. But it is better to stick with what you know right? As uncomfortable as it was being in the closet, it was safer than the great unknown. If I opened that door, what would I lose? Would my family, friends,community, and church disown me? Would I lose my security and everything I have known if I opened that door even just a crack?

To this day, I am not completely sure how I found the courage to open that door up. But somehow I managed it. I opened it up enough to sneak out under the cover of darkness and find Anita’s web site. (Sisterfriends link on the side) And through that site, the light started to come in. Oh it hurt, and I was very uncomfortable admitting to another person that I was gay. I stepped out in faith that she was who she said she was, and in turn, I was richly rewarded.

I found out that I didn’t have to stay hidden from everyone. And once I became accepting of myself and my orientation, that closet wasn’t comfortable anymore. I am in no way saying that everyone should jump out of the closet tomorrow, it is a personal decision that should be given time. I am only speaking to my own journey. But I couldn’t hide myself anymore.

That is not to say that every single person who knows me, knows I am gay. I am out to my family and close friends, it is sort of on a need to know basis. A lot of people really have no reason to know. But I am not hiding. Coming out was a hard journey and it is still one that I am on. But in no way do I regret coming out of the dark cramped place to a room full of light.

October 12, 2008 at 10:38 pm 8 comments

Gay thoughts

I have been thinking a lot lately about some things said directly to me, through anonymous emails, and by things I have been reading on other blogs. I apologize now for the fact that my thoughts are sort of jumping around this morning and so I may be a little hard to follow.

1. I made a choice to be gay. For me personally, I did not. I can always remember being attracted to other girls. I had the normal number of school girl crushes from elementary through high school, but looking back, they were always on my female friends. Oh I never admitted they were crushes, but I convinced myself they were just special friends. The funny thing is, in grade school, I had “boyfriends” just like everyone else. I had one special boy that we “went” together for a couple of years till he moved. I enjoyed being around him because he liked to fish, walk in the woods, and ride mini-bikes. We were best friends, but I wasn’t attracted to him. I was still attracted to my female friends but all they wanted to do was play dress up and talk about boys. They were cute, but not much fun.

Even as a little kid, I knew I was different. No one wants to be different. It is so hard being on the outside looking in. No kid would choose to be separate from everyone else, but that is the exact feeling I had growing up. I was different, different was bad, therefore I was bad. No child wants to feel that way. So no, I didn’t choose to be gay. Are there people out there who choose it? Probably, just like there are gay people who choose to live as a heterosexual. I didn’t choose my orientation, I chose how I live my life.

2. All gay people were sexually abused and if they say they weren’t, then it is repressed memory and they need to work through it to become straight. Okay, this one is so laughable that I almost didn’t address it. But I realized that there are those people out there that truly believe this. So here is my answer. Yes I was sexually abused, long term, no it didn’t make me gay. I had girl crushes before I was abused.

Through my volunteer work I have been in contact with hundreds of abuse survivors, and you know what? The stats are the same, about 1 in 10 are gay. And I know a lot of gay people who were never abused, so that blows that idea out of the water. But, what if you agree the memory must be repressed? Saying every gay person was abused but repressing the memory is like saying every straight person was never abused and the memories they have are false. If every gay person was abused then there should be a whole lot more of us than there are. 1 in 5 boys and 1 in 3 girls are sexually abused before the age of 18. So that should mean that 1/4 of the population should be gay instead of 1/10.

3. Gay people recruit children. No, pedophiles go after children. I am gay, not a pedophile. But maybe you are thinking about all those adult men who abuse little boys, aren’t they gay? No they’re not. Rape and sexual abuse is about power and control not love and affection. Fill a room with 100 (man to boy) pedophiles and march a naked adult man through the room and there will not be a physical response. March a little boy through and the response would be instant. Pedophiles are not gay men recruiting kids. Gay men are MEN who are attracted to other MEN.

As for recruiting kids to be gay? Let me answer that in this way. I have kids, my friends have kids. I would never wish homosexuality on them for a million dollars. As a parent, I want my kids to be happy and the journey of life is hard enough without adding anything to it. Growing up gay is hard. And some days it is still hard. Don’t confuse this for me saying I wish I wasn’t gay. I have accepted who and what I am and I am happy, but it is hard to face the prejudice and hate that is out there in the world. I would rather my kids not have to face that.

4. Lesbians hate men. I have addressed this before but the short answer is, I don’t hate men. I like my brothers, my ex-husband is a good friend of mine, and I have male friends. Just because I don’t want to sleep with them doesn’t mean I hate them. I don’t want to sleep with my female friends either, but I like them just fine.

5. All gay people are promiscuous. That is like saying all heterosexuals are monogamous. Are there gay sluts? Sure, but there are also straight sluts too. The majority of gay people I know are in or looking for that special life-long partnership. The majority of straight people I know are looking for the same thing.

6. Gay Christians do not exist. Hello???? Here I am and I know there are a lot more out there. We exist. I’m sorry if there are people out there who feel they have the right to judge my relationship with God. I am sorry that there are people who feel they have the right to judge for God. And I am sorry that common decency and respect are traded for loud shouting matches and cyber-fist fights. But I am gay and I am Christian and since I have been typing this all afternoon, I think I exist.

7. Gay people are a threat to society and marriage. I work, I pay taxes, I quietly raise my children. I am not a threat to your marriage or to your lifestyle. All I want is to be able to marry the woman I love. The one and only person for me. I want to give her the rights any spouse would have. I want her to be able to stay with me if I were in the hospital or to inherit our stuff when I die. Your marriage is no weaker or stronger if I am allowed to marry. Your marriage is between you and your spouse, I have nothing to do with it. My morals and values depend on me. Your values are totally dependent on you.

8. If gay marriages are allowed then people will want to marry their computer or their dog. Okay show me a computer or animal that can read, understand, and sign a LEGAL document, then that argument will hold weight for me. Until then, marriage is between two consenting, ADULT people.

9. Gay people are weird. Okay I will be the first to admit that I am weird or queer as some would say. But I am no weirder than my next door neighbor. Everyone is different and everyone has their place.

And Finally 10. There is a gay lifestyle. Okay sure, but in the majority of cases it looks exactly like the hetero lifestyle. The only difference is that the person I love happens to be female. My lifestyle includes wanting to be a good person, live my life following Jesus, and wanting to love my soul mate with everything I am. Sounds pretty normal to me.

September 30, 2008 at 7:42 pm 12 comments

Wonderful Sunday

Sorry that I have kind of quiet the last few days, life happens ya know?  But I wanted to tell you about the wonderful day I spent Sunday.

It was my church’s homecoming and we had a guest minister, for those of you who know about my weird but wonderful life, it happened to be my ex’s girlfriend.  She did a wonderful job.  Such clear concise preaching that gave me a lot of things to think about.

After church we had a spaghetti dinner, with home made sauce I might add.  The food and fellowship was wonderful.  From the meal we went back upstairs for a hymn sing.  The first group to play was a group of 4 teenage boys and their adult leader.  They had a drum set and two acoustic guitars and an electric guitar.  They were great.  Although I giggled inappropriately when I noticed 3 of the 4 boys had on christian tee-shirts.  Which normally isn’t funny but I remembered a post Lindsey did that said “You will know we are Christian by out tee-shirts by our tee-shirts.”  Thanks Lindsey, I got a few stares for that.

We had other people sing and the choirs from my church and our sister church sang.  But we had one guy who played the piano and sang along with his instructor from school,  Boy they gave me goose bumps.  And after all the praise in song, we went back downstairs for home made ice cream and pie.  I had the sweetest piece of peach pie and a big scoop of peach ice cream.  Did I mention it was all home made?  YUM! ! ! ! 

I finally made it home after 5 and changed into my sweat pants because after all that good food, my jeans were just too tight.  It was a very good day, but the icing on the cake was when my ex father-in-law patted me on the back and said I was important to him.  I think I wet myself out of pure shock.  So all in all it was a great day.

September 16, 2008 at 5:40 pm 5 comments

Special People

I just have to tell you about a group of wonderful women that I have met here on line. My Sisterfriends, what can I even begin to say about them? They amaze me on a daily basis. From being a member of the forum, I have had the wonderful opportunity to talk to and get to know some very special ladies. I have never seen the love of God and Christians acting as Jesus would, as I have with these people.

It doesn’t matter what the issue is, someone will write about a problem they are facing and 12 people will chime in to let them know they are being prayed for. And I truly believe those prayers are heart felt and said many times over. And someone will offer some advice and someone else will chime in with more support. And that snowballs until that person with the problem is surrounded by love and prayers.

 

Or one person may have 20 different tragedies going on, and yet, they stop to ask how someone else is doing. Their life is in upheaval and mourning and yet they reach out to someone else that is hurting. This is not just a one time occurrence. I have seen it happen a thousand times. These ladies are truly concerned for their fellow person. They show an amazing amount of love for each other. And the love I am referring to is Agape Love. God’s love, the love of a friend, the love for human kind. These women are a fine example of how a Christian should be. I am honored to be a part of them.

And then I have met some wonderful people on line from other blogs, they accidentally stumbled in here, or by divine grace they were led into my life. And I care about these people and I know they care about me. If I were to tell them that I was hurting, they would be there in a second to offer prayers and support. These people are my friends. And the funny thing is, I don’t even know what they look like or their real names. Of course I do know some real names, but the majority are the names used on the internet. I don’t even know what they look like in real life or what their voices sound like. But they are friends just the same.

I have come to know and then to respect them and then to care about them and then to love them. (again I am referring to Agape Love). And no, they are no all gay and no they are not all Christian. But they are wonderful people who have touched my life and my heart. I would love the chance to meet all of these people and to be able to tell them face to face what a difference they have made in my life.

My minister asked us to write down the names of people we would like to pray for a few Sundays ago and my list read like a story book cast. There were a few names but most were avatars and pseudo name used on the internet. There were initials and first names and even just pictures that represented the people I was praying for. But I trust that God knew who I meant.

I just want to say to all of my internet friends, Thank you. Thank you for being a huge part of my life and thank you for caring and allowing me to care for you. You know who you are.

September 10, 2008 at 12:53 am 20 comments

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